Friday, August 21, 2009
I'll be fasting starting by tomorrow. I can't wait(: but there's just something that holds me back from getting excited about fasting- I have to bear in mind that there will be no 'family interactions' ):
I don't know; my family relation seems to be getting worse. Everyday I face different problems of it. Everyday without fail, there must be some arguments or misunderstandings going on between us. I tried putting a smile on my face everyday I go to school, hoping that when I got home, everything would be ok somehow... but no. Everyday I pray for my family, hoping that one day we will be back together as we used to, but no miracles happen.
Just recently, something happen and I'm not sure what I'm suppose to feel. disappointed? sad? angry? frustrated?
I received a B3 for my Malay O Level results. Yes, I was disappointed as I expected an A; but that's not the point. I mean, I really needed somebody to really talk to and that person I was hoping for was my mother. I was hoping that she could at least be there for me, give me the support I needed and motivate me... but all I receive was, "tu la kau. padan muker. ni lah jadi nyer kalau kau tak blajar betol betol."
do you know how freaking painful and hurt my heart was hearing that bloody line?! I have been sleeping almost at 2 am in the morning, studying, and she said I didn't put in my effort to study???? so what does 'putting in the effort to study' means to her huh? By not sleeping at all??
I totally lost the confidence in myself. I was jealous of my friends that they get to talk to their parents about their results. Eventhough their parents made them cry, at least they know that they have their parents to support them. But me? I cry for being so lonely.
Almost everyday I've been crying... thinking of how miserable my life is right now... being alone without anyone to talk to D:
I don't know; my family relation seems to be getting worse. Everyday I face different problems of it. Everyday without fail, there must be some arguments or misunderstandings going on between us. I tried putting a smile on my face everyday I go to school, hoping that when I got home, everything would be ok somehow... but no. Everyday I pray for my family, hoping that one day we will be back together as we used to, but no miracles happen.
Just recently, something happen and I'm not sure what I'm suppose to feel. disappointed? sad? angry? frustrated?
I received a B3 for my Malay O Level results. Yes, I was disappointed as I expected an A; but that's not the point. I mean, I really needed somebody to really talk to and that person I was hoping for was my mother. I was hoping that she could at least be there for me, give me the support I needed and motivate me... but all I receive was, "tu la kau. padan muker. ni lah jadi nyer kalau kau tak blajar betol betol."
do you know how freaking painful and hurt my heart was hearing that bloody line?! I have been sleeping almost at 2 am in the morning, studying, and she said I didn't put in my effort to study???? so what does 'putting in the effort to study' means to her huh? By not sleeping at all??
I totally lost the confidence in myself. I was jealous of my friends that they get to talk to their parents about their results. Eventhough their parents made them cry, at least they know that they have their parents to support them. But me? I cry for being so lonely.
Almost everyday I've been crying... thinking of how miserable my life is right now... being alone without anyone to talk to D:
life is like a maze; 11:36 PM.
